Apples to Apples: Tsubasa Style!
by saltyavocado
Summary: A story where I make fun of all the lovely little tropes and peculiarities that find their way into the series known as Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicles, and pretty much anything else CLAMP.


This story is dedicated to UnexpectedInspiration, who said that if I had to do a oneshot for her, a little spoof with Kurogane and Fai would be nice. Hence their heavy presence in this story. I'm sorry that I didn't do a chapter from one of my multichapters instead - I am working on them on and off, but it was nice just writing something light hearted and somewhat crackish for a change of pace. To all my dear readers out there who had the (mis)fortune of clicking their way to this story, enjoy! It would be absolutely marvelous if some of you could leave reveiws, but mainly, I just want you to enjoy this story :D

Disclaimer: I do not own any works by CLAMP or any of the internet memes and tropes that have come from their works.

**Main room of Watanuki's shop**

Sakura: Watanuki-kun, do you need help carrying the snacks in from the kitchen?

Watanuki: No need to bother yourself. The Mokonas here are all the help I need.

Black Mokona: No fair! This tray is so heaaaavyy.

Watanuki: Nonsense. The bottle of sake that you carried in earlier was at least twice as heavy.

Black Mokona: No it wasn't! Not by the time I was done with it, anyway.

White Mokona: Can I make this tray lighter too?

Watanuki: No!

*Moro walks in, Maru trailing behind*

Maru: Watanuki, here are the special cards that you wanted to show Sakura and Syaoran!

Moro: They were in the back room, just like you said they were.

Black Mokona: *eyes wide* Wait, Watanuki, are you going to show them _those_ cards?

Watanuki: *smiling mysteriously* Indeed I am. The four of you, come close. I have something that I've wanted to show you for a while.

Kurogane: *pokes at box suspiciously* It's not some cursed object, is it?

Fai: Huuui, I don't think that it is. Look, no tingly feelings in my magely finger tips as I tou-

*Fai freezes, eyes opening wide. Kurogane grabs his shoulder and starts to shake it roughly.*

Kurogane: Hey there, snap out of it! What's wrong this time?

Fai: *faintly* No. I would never have thought…

*He jumps up and grabs the box with a whoop, spinning about in excitement.*

Fai: Yes! Apples to Apples! I've always wanted to try this game out!

Kurogane: ….Huh?

Doumeki: *deadpan* There was no need to look so frightened.

Kurogane: Who was the one who was frightened? Say that again, temple boy!

Doumeki: I said that there was no need to be so-

Syaoran: Wow, this sure looks like an interesting game, Fai-san. How do we play?

Fai: Not a clue. But anything that has to do with apples has to be fun, right?

Kurogane: Wait, then how did you find out about-

Sakura: *hopefully* Do we get to eat any apples in this game?

Fai: I don't know. Do we, Watanuki?

Watanuki: *smiling* No, but this game is very good at revealing the inner thoughts of the players. It takes close knowledge of your companions to do well in this game.

White Mokona: Ooh, ooh, let us explain how to play! First, someone, who is the judge, draws a green card that has a describing word on it, like "Pretty" or "Shiny." Then the other players put down a red card from their hand, which has a word that they think fits the green card. The judge then picks the red card that they think is the best.

Black Mokona: So for the word "Shiny," I might pick a red card that says "Sake bottles," or "Niigata Sake," and whoever put down the red card I chose gets to keep the green card. *bounces around excitedly* The person who has the most green cards in the end wins!

Fai: Oh, so it's kind of like mahjong~

Black Mokona: Yeah, yeah!

Watanuki: …..What are you guys talking about? It's nothing like mahjong.

**Twenty minutes, several arguments, and one round of sake later**

Sakura: Okay! So the green card I put down says "Lengthy." Similar words are "prolonged," "long," and "time consuming."

Fai: Huui, I think I have a good one here! *slaps card down onto table cheerfully*

Kurogane: Hmmm…

Fai: Come on, Kuro-pi, you're the last one! Everyone else has put theirs down already!

Kurogane: … *reluctantly puts down a card*

Sakura: Here are the results for the red cards: Magical Girl Transformations – oh yes, those take waaay to long – Swords, My Hair, E-endless Eight? What's that, Watanuki-kun?

Watanuki: …Sometimes there are atrocities that I see in this universe that are better left unshared. Continue, Sakura-chan.

Sakura: O-okay. Uh, the last three are Anime Fight Scenes, Vampire Angst, and… Naruto.

White Mokona: Disqualified! The last three all constitute the same thing, so they are DISQUALIFIED.

Syaoran: Hey, that isn't fair! There aren't any vampires in Naruto! You can't kick my card out!

Mokona: *smugly* You don't need to have any vampires to have vampire _angst,_ silly. It's the spirit that counts.

Fai: I don't know, you two. None of them really stand a chance against My Hair. It can get very long at times. *swishes hair about gracefully*

Kurogane: You're not allowed to tell her which one's yours. It's against the rules, you idiot.

Fai: Oh? Well, it's not like yours wasn't transparent either. Swords? Seriously?

Kurogane: ….

Sakura: I liked them all, but I have to say that I choose – Magical Girl Transformations! Whose card was that?

Kurogane: …

Sakura: Huh? Doesn't anyone want the first green card?

Fai: *looks over at Kurogane* No. Way.

Kurogane: *defensively* How was I supposed to know what a Transformers Magic Girl was? I just wanted to throw that card away since I didn't have anything else that matched "Lengthy."

Sakura: You mean a Magical Girl Transformation.

Fai: *tsks and shakes head* Who would have known that Kurogane was secretly into those kind of things?

Kurogane: *growling* Watch your mouth, mage.

Fai: I wonder, where do you go to indulge in that kind of stuff? Is there a secret room in the palace that I don't know about?

Kurogane: MAGE!

Syaoran: I-I believe it's my turn to put down a green card! *Chooses one hastily from the deck and sets it down* It says "Clichéd." Other words for it are "trite," "overused," and "worn out."

*Everyone puts down a card without hesitation*

Syaoran: O-okay then, let's see what we have: Ninjas-

Kurogane: *stands up furiously* HEY! *glares down at Fai*

Fai: Why are you assuming that _I _was the one who put that down?

Syaoran: -Twins-

Fai: *stands up furiously* WHAT? *glares at Kurogane*

Kurogane: What's up with _that _look? I didn't put that card in there!

Syaoran: *hurrying on* - crossovers,tokyotower,losingeyes,clones,Miyukichan. *deep breath*

Sakura: …What?

Doumeki: *slowly enunciating* He said: Crossovers, Tokyo Tower, Losing Eyes, Clones, and Miyuki-chan.

Syaoran: Miyuki-chan? Like that girl who's always running around with toast in her mouth in every world we go to?

Watanuki: The very same.

*Kurogane continues to glare at Fai, who has moved on to a distant, melodramatic expression full of pain and angst*

Fai: *looking out into the cherry blossoms drifting outside* I know that we've had our differences, Kurogane, but- *He turns away, blond hair falling over his face. Kurogane does not look impressed*

Kurogane: Just shut up and sit down. You're interrupting the game.

Fai: *brightens immediately* Well, if you're that sorry, I guess there's nothing for me to do but accept your apology graciously. *drapes an arm around Kurogane's shoulder* It's all right, Kurogane, I forgive you. What kind of a friend would I be if I couldn't put your mistakes behind me?

Syaoran: -so I started keeping a count of how many time Miyuki puts butter on her toast as opposed to jam, and my calculations have shown a constant ratio of...

Kurogane: *splutters* Hey, since when did I apologize? And what about your mista-

Syaoran: -and wondering if there is a reason behind the increasing appearance of granola bars. Maybe more of the Miyukis feel a need to lose weight? Hey Doumeki, what do you think...

Fai: No need to act shy, Kuro-pon. I already told you I accepted your apology.

Kurogane: NOW WAIT JUST A MINUTE!

Black Mokona: *whispering to White Mokona* Isn't it great that we've put magical tags on all the cards? Now we can choose any card we want from the deck! By the way, I think putting down those last two cards together was a great idea, Soel.

White Mokona: Yup! I still wish we could have put down the Crossdresser and Spiritbait cards, though.

Black Mokona: Heehee, that would have gotten a reaction from Watanuki! It's getting harder to provoke him these days.

White Mokona: Well, that just makes it more of a challenge! Say, let's put them down during the Socially Awkward card that's coming up in three turns.

Black Mokona: Yes! Oh man, I love Yuuko's old games!


End file.
